As many readers of this blog will know I'm leaving Sanctus1 in less than a fortnight. As I prepare to leave I thought that I would do a series of posts on the process of leaving and personal reflections on the past eight years (the time that I've been at Sanctus1).
Sanctus1 is an emerging church in Manchester city centre that I've been leading for the past 8 years. I was brought in by the Diocese to start 'new ways of worshiping' in response to the ever changing city centre of Mcr. It became clear quite quickly that we needed more that simply new ways of worshiping, but that we needed new ways of being church and Sanctus1 was born. This post is going to reflect on my personal connections with Sanctus1 and my identity, as the pioneer, has at times been too closely tied to Sanctus1.
My spiritual director is a wise woman, she once said to me, 'Ben, It is not your church, it's God's church'. The sense of liberation that I felt at this was significant - yes I knew this but sometimes it needs to be said before the penny drops - as I prepare to leave Sanctus1 this is the mantra that is running around my head. It's liberating as often the pioneer is looked at, scrutinized, researched and questioned about what you are doing and why you are doing it. This can mean that you are over-protective of the church community, always wanting to celebrate the good aspects of it as people are always looking. You are in the ecclesiological gold-fish bowl, always on show...Recognizing that the pioneer is just a small part in the jigsaw of God's Church rather than the saviour of it is liberating. Sanctus1 is God's church.
As many will know I was ordained Priest in the summer. Romantically, the first time that I presided at communion within Sanctus1 was the beginning of the end for me. Theologically, communion is a significant for me and so to be able to lead communion in the church community that I have been involved in starting was an important moment. Part of me wanted to preside at communion only once - Bread bread and go - as it would have signaled the end point as my personal vocation evolved with sanctus1. Getting ordained also emphasied my connection and authorisation with the wider church, I started to get involved with the church where I'm doing my curacy and so this connection and sense of the bigger picture has helped me to detach myself from S1.
However, my comments about presiding at communion only once concern me as they suggests an over-romaticised connection with Sanctus1. It becomes too focused of me, as the pioneer, and this reveals one of the greatest tension about pioneering - it becomes part of your life blood. You invest too much time, energy and love into the community as you are passionate about it. You get frustrasted when people do not show the same passion and energy that you do...but they know that because of your passion and energy that you will always make sure that it doesn't fail, always be there to pick the pieces up, always be there to make things happen. This seems to have happened with most of the people who were involved at the beginning - an unstainable connection with Sanctus1 that needs to change. So the pioneer must move on, break this attachment and move the community forward in a way that it can be self-reliant.
Stylistically, I have led the way that S1 is going. The worship is to my taste, the theology reflects who I am and the graphics and copy are largely written and designed by me. Fortunately people like what I like but it needs to broaden out so that the worship and theology can be more diverse. This is the role of the next person, to take Sanctus in new directions, these may or may not be to my taste but that is all part of recognising the breadth of the church.
There is tension in being both the mid-wife and parent. You work with God to bring the church to life and then you nurture it. You are the midwife. Then you grow it, but the parent needs to let go at some point and see if it flies, if it does great if not, well it's God's church anyway.
When I first told Sanctus1 I was leaving I was quite emotional. The community has given me so much, I know that it has it's failing, I know that we could do things better but it has been life-giving to me. I will miss it, but equally I know that it is the right time to move on.
Tags: BenEdson, LeavingSanctus1,
